Grape Expectations

There are a few things that you never want to hear from a bride-to-be after you’ve already agreed to be a bridesmaid:

Bride says: That color is flattering on pretty much everyone!
Bride means: When I say "everyone," I mean "none of you."

Bride says: You’d wear fuchsia shoes again, right?
Bride means: FYI, you have no choice in the matter.

Bride says: I think you girls would look really cute in hats.
Bride means: I hate you all.

Or better yet, from the mouth of a friend whose wedding I’VE agreed to be in, regarding our bridesmaid dresses: “So….the dress is not that cute. And it’s not exactly the color I wanted. But it’s too late to change it. Oh well!” (nervous laughter ensues).

I’m not sure if it was fear, the wine over dinner, the over-oxygenated Vegas restaurant we were sitting in or a combination of the three, but the next couple minutes have been permanently blocked from my memory. I do, however, recall the words “ruching” and “really bright purple” getting carelessly thrown around.

Uh oh.

Now granted, it’s not my big day, it’s an honor to be in the wedding party and really I am just there to show up and smile. At least that’s what I tell myself until the day the tables are turned and I am the one who has to choose between Good and Evil in the battle of bridesmaid attire. I am not a vengeful person, but let’s just say, I better not end up looking like this: