New year's rebootlution

Control-alt-delete. It's 2011!

things i learned from camping. bear grylls, watch out!

1. it takes very little time to get used to not having a cell phone or blackberry.

2. headlamps, while very dorky looking, are very handy tools.

3. on any given night, through all the smog, the typical angeleno will look up and see 5, maybe 10, stars. there are actually many, many more stars in the sky.

4. the largest tree in the world is named general sherman and lives in the sequoia national park. it is not the tallest nor the widest but somehow still qualifies as the largest (by volume). also apparently it is dead at the top so it doesn't grow taller but can still grow wider. i think the tree has some kind of magical properties or there is some kind of funny math going on.

5. caves are kind of weird. cave tour guides are weirder.

6. bears like to eat brats and drink diet coke and beer (bud light). bears do not like to eat iceberg lettuce and sprite. i know this because a bear brushed by the side of my tent and whispered thank you after devouring the above remnants from our cooler. ok, not really, but a bear did really brush by the side of my tent. at that moment, i was reminded of the old adage, you don't have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun your slowest friend because i already had my shoes ready to go and one of said slow friends was still snoring inside the tent.

7. not all of camping is "roughing it." sometimes camping can consist of sitting at the lodge eating cheetohs and ice cream sandwiches.

Mood Music

If playlists were based on current mood, this would be mine:

Looking For A New Job - Fat Prop
Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas
I'm So Confused - Jonathan Richman
Where Am I Going - Dusty Sprinfield
Shhh - Chumbawamba
It's Your Birthday and You're Still Stupid - Bob Lyons
Because I'm Awesome - The Dollyrots
Let's Get Out Of This Country - Camera Obscura
The Weekend - The Weekend
But Seriously, Folks - Joe Walsh

For forearms

I have a sneaking suspicion that Popeye didn't get those crazy muscle-y forearms from eating spinach alone. I am skeptical because I went rock climbing the other day and my forearms were burning. Burning! I could feel my forearms growing bigger as I pulled my post-holiday weight enhanced body up with each rock hold. When I was done, I swear there was a noticeable increase in the size of each forearm. And that was due to just one night for about an hour. Popeye was a sailor and I'm sure he had to climb up and down as well as lift heavy things like anchors all day long.

Also, spinach is supposed to be a great source of iron. But I looked up the nutritional content and as it turns out, the iron in spinach is poorly absorbed by the body unless it is consumed with calcium. And although iron is also purportedly high in calcium, the oxalate content in spinach binds with said calcium decreasing its absorption! (another fun fact - oxalate is one of a number of factors that contribute to gout and kidney stones)* So by eating spinach, Popeye was not really receiving much iron or calcium at all. He was, however, getting a fair dose of vitamin A, which means Popeye should have had great vision, but instead he constantly had one squinty eye. "I yam what I yam" = what a scam!!

*All spinach facts taken from Wikipedia. If they are inaccurate, I absolve myself from blame.

Editor's note: this entry was originally supposed to be about the awesomeness of rock climbing and scaling up walls like a monkey but somehow, I got sidetracked by the whole Popeye/spinach trickery. Not quite as awesome.

Birthday Dos and Don'ts

In my old age, I would like to impart some wisdom to all those younger than me. On your birthday:

DO: Celebrate your birthday with good friends.
DON'T: Let those friends buy you enough drinks to start your own bar.

DO: Use both hands, one to hold your purse, one to hold your vodka soda.
DON'T: Use both hands, one to hold your vodka soda, one to hold your other vodka soda.

DO: Drink fun cocktails.
DON'T: Drink things that have "scorpion", "kamikaze" or "zombie" in their names.

DO: When coming across others also celebrating their birthday, wish them a good one and be on your way.
DON'T: Fist pound them because they share a Zodiac sign with you and then agree to pose ridiculously for numerous photos.

DO: Tell amusing stories to your friends.
DON'T: Tell the same story, which grows less and less amusing with each telling, 10 times in a row to your friends.

DO: Hydrate with water throughout the night.
DON'T: Spill your water all over your friend's shirt.

DO: Have a late night snack.
DON'T: Automatically eat whatever is put in front of your face. Washing down a taco with a hot dog (or vice versa) does not a happy tummy make.

DO: Party like a rock star!
DON'T: Regret it the next day. Blame the alcohol (or someone else) instead.

Autumn in New York

Living in California, sometimes it's easy to forget that there are seasons.

But during a recent trip to New York, I took a nice Sunday morning stroll through Central Park and was surrounded by shades of maize, thistle and burnt sienna (thank you, Crayola!). A light breeze, the crisp autumn air, the crunch of fallen leaves below my feet...it was so gorgeous that it almost made me forget the fact that later that day I had to wait over an hour on Central Park South to eat brunch, subsequently got back to my hotel late, waited 20 minutes for the hotel to bring down my suitcase and another 25 minutes for them to hail me a cab, got stuck in traffic and arrived at the airport late, couldn't pay by credit card because the cabbie's machine was broken so my cash-less butt had to run inside to the ATM to get cash and run back out, didn't feel like sprinting to the gate so went standby on a flight 2 hours after my original one, got the last seat on the plane (middle, of course) , couldn't find overhead bin space for my suitcase but was told by the airline guy that my suitcase fit upfront in the crew closet so I sat back down only to later find that he checked in my suitcase without telling me or anyone for that matter, landed in LAX without any luggage claim check where of course my suitcase did not show up at baggage claim, went to the lost baggage counter where they informed me they couldn't help me because I didn't have said claim check because again the guy in NY never told me he checked in my suitcase, and finally got home at midnight with no toiletries. Almost.

A Tale Of Two Weddings

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I guess it's finally come to that point where I'm "officially" old and all my friends are doing grown up things like getting married and buying houses. Me? I still watch cartoons and clean my room by shoving everything under the bed (sometimes).

But I digress. The past two weekends have been jam-packed with weddings and two very different, yet equally fun, ones at that.

10/11 Houston, TX.
Role: guest.
Began with: the minister announcing, "We are here to celebrate the union of Tanya and Robert". My friends' names are Farrah and Chris.
Ended with: the minister accidentally skipping over the first kiss and an awkward presentation of the couple where her assistant forgot the bride's name...again.
On the plus side: the gospel choir and live jazz band were a nice touch, despite the old and crazy minister.
The reception: specialty themed cocktails, gingerbread (!), lots of group dances (similar in vein to the electric slide), sparklers.
Strangers in the night: I only knew one other person at the wedding other than the couple. Is that weird? So I made fast friends with the bartenders.

10/18 Rancho Palos Verdes, CA.
Role: bridesmaid.
Began with: five hours of hair and make-up, resulting in my head full of ringlets. Ringlets are not an acceptable hairdo on anyone over the age of four.
Ended with: sunset at trump national golf club.
The reception: lots of music and dancing, quite possibly the world's longest best man speech/stand-up routine, sprinkles cupcakes.
The color purple: just for kicks, I decided to list all things purple at the wedding: place cards, menus, photobook, guestbook, bridesmaid dresses, pashminas and flip flops for the girls, bride's bouquet, tie and vest for the groomsmen, officiant's outfit (wore his JD robes), centerpieces, rose petals surrounding centerpieces, votive candles throughout banquet room, and the list goes on. I think the world's allotment of the color purple may have been used up in that one day alone.
On the plus side: to my great relief, I did not look like the Fruit-of-the-Loom grape guy in my purple dress. At least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Who's next?