Birthday Dos and Don'ts

In my old age, I would like to impart some wisdom to all those younger than me. On your birthday:

DO: Celebrate your birthday with good friends.
DON'T: Let those friends buy you enough drinks to start your own bar.

DO: Use both hands, one to hold your purse, one to hold your vodka soda.
DON'T: Use both hands, one to hold your vodka soda, one to hold your other vodka soda.

DO: Drink fun cocktails.
DON'T: Drink things that have "scorpion", "kamikaze" or "zombie" in their names.

DO: When coming across others also celebrating their birthday, wish them a good one and be on your way.
DON'T: Fist pound them because they share a Zodiac sign with you and then agree to pose ridiculously for numerous photos.

DO: Tell amusing stories to your friends.
DON'T: Tell the same story, which grows less and less amusing with each telling, 10 times in a row to your friends.

DO: Hydrate with water throughout the night.
DON'T: Spill your water all over your friend's shirt.

DO: Have a late night snack.
DON'T: Automatically eat whatever is put in front of your face. Washing down a taco with a hot dog (or vice versa) does not a happy tummy make.

DO: Party like a rock star!
DON'T: Regret it the next day. Blame the alcohol (or someone else) instead.

Autumn in New York

Living in California, sometimes it's easy to forget that there are seasons.

But during a recent trip to New York, I took a nice Sunday morning stroll through Central Park and was surrounded by shades of maize, thistle and burnt sienna (thank you, Crayola!). A light breeze, the crisp autumn air, the crunch of fallen leaves below my feet...it was so gorgeous that it almost made me forget the fact that later that day I had to wait over an hour on Central Park South to eat brunch, subsequently got back to my hotel late, waited 20 minutes for the hotel to bring down my suitcase and another 25 minutes for them to hail me a cab, got stuck in traffic and arrived at the airport late, couldn't pay by credit card because the cabbie's machine was broken so my cash-less butt had to run inside to the ATM to get cash and run back out, didn't feel like sprinting to the gate so went standby on a flight 2 hours after my original one, got the last seat on the plane (middle, of course) , couldn't find overhead bin space for my suitcase but was told by the airline guy that my suitcase fit upfront in the crew closet so I sat back down only to later find that he checked in my suitcase without telling me or anyone for that matter, landed in LAX without any luggage claim check where of course my suitcase did not show up at baggage claim, went to the lost baggage counter where they informed me they couldn't help me because I didn't have said claim check because again the guy in NY never told me he checked in my suitcase, and finally got home at midnight with no toiletries. Almost.

A Tale Of Two Weddings

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I guess it's finally come to that point where I'm "officially" old and all my friends are doing grown up things like getting married and buying houses. Me? I still watch cartoons and clean my room by shoving everything under the bed (sometimes).

But I digress. The past two weekends have been jam-packed with weddings and two very different, yet equally fun, ones at that.

10/11 Houston, TX.
Role: guest.
Began with: the minister announcing, "We are here to celebrate the union of Tanya and Robert". My friends' names are Farrah and Chris.
Ended with: the minister accidentally skipping over the first kiss and an awkward presentation of the couple where her assistant forgot the bride's name...again.
On the plus side: the gospel choir and live jazz band were a nice touch, despite the old and crazy minister.
The reception: specialty themed cocktails, gingerbread (!), lots of group dances (similar in vein to the electric slide), sparklers.
Strangers in the night: I only knew one other person at the wedding other than the couple. Is that weird? So I made fast friends with the bartenders.

10/18 Rancho Palos Verdes, CA.
Role: bridesmaid.
Began with: five hours of hair and make-up, resulting in my head full of ringlets. Ringlets are not an acceptable hairdo on anyone over the age of four.
Ended with: sunset at trump national golf club.
The reception: lots of music and dancing, quite possibly the world's longest best man speech/stand-up routine, sprinkles cupcakes.
The color purple: just for kicks, I decided to list all things purple at the wedding: place cards, menus, photobook, guestbook, bridesmaid dresses, pashminas and flip flops for the girls, bride's bouquet, tie and vest for the groomsmen, officiant's outfit (wore his JD robes), centerpieces, rose petals surrounding centerpieces, votive candles throughout banquet room, and the list goes on. I think the world's allotment of the color purple may have been used up in that one day alone.
On the plus side: to my great relief, I did not look like the Fruit-of-the-Loom grape guy in my purple dress. At least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Who's next?

Viva Las Vacaciones!

Ah, Labor Day. It's described as "a day off for the working citizens".

In honor of all the workaholic citizens that fail to take this day off from work, I decided to take several and high-tail it to Cabo for some good old fun in the sun. Nevermind the weather forecast prediction of isolated thunderstorms due to the several hurricanes and tropical storms passing through the Caribbean and Baja. The weather actually proved quite cooperative, reinforcing my theory that Mother Nature likes it when I take extended leaves from work. I think I'm going to have to increase the number and length of my vacations going forward, you know, to make Mother Nature happy.

Anyway, Cabo is pretty but boring. There is not a lot to do except eat, drink and sweat in the sun and not necessarily in that order.

Cabo by the numbers:
Days/nights spent in Cabo: 5
Days passed before realizing my BB clock did not automatically update and I was living one hour behind everyone else: 4
Full size bottles on tap in hotel room: 4 (vodka, tequila, rum and brandy to be exact)
Pairs of jeans packed: 2
Pairs of jeans worn: 0
Pairs of running shoes packed: 1
Runs taken: 0
Tacos eaten: 16 (this is an underestimate)
Miami Vices dranken: 10 (this is an underestimate, but not all were alcoholic!)
Mosquito bites: 26
Number of aforementioned mosquito bites that were on my face: 8
Sea lions seen while sitting in the water taxi: many
Sea lions that made me thankful I was somewhat far away them sitting in the water taxi because they were so very stinky: many
ATVs driven: 2, because the first one pooped out on me
Times Miss Congeniality (what!?) was on TV: 2
Days off as a working citizen and highly enjoyed: 5

Grape Expectations

There are a few things that you never want to hear from a bride-to-be after you’ve already agreed to be a bridesmaid:

Bride says: That color is flattering on pretty much everyone!
Bride means: When I say "everyone," I mean "none of you."

Bride says: You’d wear fuchsia shoes again, right?
Bride means: FYI, you have no choice in the matter.

Bride says: I think you girls would look really cute in hats.
Bride means: I hate you all.

Or better yet, from the mouth of a friend whose wedding I’VE agreed to be in, regarding our bridesmaid dresses: “So….the dress is not that cute. And it’s not exactly the color I wanted. But it’s too late to change it. Oh well!” (nervous laughter ensues).

I’m not sure if it was fear, the wine over dinner, the over-oxygenated Vegas restaurant we were sitting in or a combination of the three, but the next couple minutes have been permanently blocked from my memory. I do, however, recall the words “ruching” and “really bright purple” getting carelessly thrown around.

Uh oh.

Now granted, it’s not my big day, it’s an honor to be in the wedding party and really I am just there to show up and smile. At least that’s what I tell myself until the day the tables are turned and I am the one who has to choose between Good and Evil in the battle of bridesmaid attire. I am not a vengeful person, but let’s just say, I better not end up looking like this:

Comic-Con 2008

Highlights and lowlights of the Con:

7/24
9:30am. The convention center opens. Geeks run wild and bum rush our booth, where we are handing out the coveted Fox poster tubes. In an effort to keep up the mob at bay and avoid an impending riot, I am pulling poster tubes off the pallet as quickly as possible when one flies off the top and hits me square in the eye socket. My first black eye ever, and it is both self-induced and caused by an inanimate object. Poster tubes - 1, Chen - 0.

7pm. Stargate screening aboard aircraft carrier, USS Midway. Red carpet duty, DIY candy bar, a photo with Richard Dean Anderson aka RDA aka MacGyver, and three goes in the flight simulator where my combat score was 0 but I completed at least 10 unintentional and intentional flips. All in a day's work, all in a day's work.

7/25
7pm. Futurama screening. Never underestimate the power of free popcorn and soda to fill some seats in a theatre. That and several girls standing on street corners waving tickets and yelling at the top of their lungs.

9pm. BEL bar night. Never underestimate the power of free shots to fill up a bar.

7/26
A long day full of panels, signings, interviews, more signings, and more interviews. The night ends with dinner at a joint that serves chili cheese fries and plays no holds barred fighting on all of its TV screens (classy) and then bottle service on the roof of the Ivy (slightly classier). I fall asleep instantaneously after I get back to my hotel room and wake up in the morning on top of the covers, still in my street clothes. And still sitting up.

7/27
One final visit to the booth. I watch in amazement as people hoard the free posters as if they are stockpiling for some sort of glossy paper shortage. A tearless goodbye to the crowds and the poster tubes. And not a moment too soon, we high-tail it out of Dodge.

Key observations:
1) Some people who attend Comic-Con should not be allowed to interact with other (non-costumed) human beings. Ever.
2) It's always the biggest people who wear the biggest costumes and are completely unaware of the amount of floor space they occupy. It is these same people that suddenly turn on a dime and knock you across the floor with their Ghostbusters proton pack. Do not tailgate anyone carrying large backpacks or props.
3) It does not matter if you are a child, senior citizen, or handicapped individual. There is equal opportunity for pushing all around.
4) Some people spend way too much time on their costumes. And sadly, some people spend way too little time on them. FYI, wrapping your body in aluminum foil is a poor substitute for a real costume.
5) People like anything that's free. If you left a half finished coffee on a booth counter, guarantee it would be gone in 30 seconds. Bad way to lose any valuables you may have, good way to get rid of trash you don't want to hold anymore.

And so it begins...

Feeling inspired to blog again.